Whiter than White.

To be a person in this crazy world is actually kind of hard. For some reason everybody is always fighting.  At least this is how I am seeing it for now. Fighting with each other, for each other or, even worse, with or for themselves. Fighting is not really something I do for fun. I know it’s necessary because otherwise I wouldn’t get to know anybody nor myself, for who they really are. Sometimes I think that it might be a good thing to not really know anybody, it’s just that everything would be even more difficult without anyone around. But I don’t specifically enjoy fighting. Neither should any other person. Worst thing of fighting is that it never stops. When the heat of the fire is over, you get “the” choice: Or you will be fighting with each other, either with each other near or a part, or you will be fighting for each other. But it never stops once you started.

 It’s hard to make the right choices when the wrong ones are presented aside of the right choices. I am totally aware of that. But it would make things a lot easier if we would set that as a goal. We could make this our surprise effect. The thing that will astonish people and confuse them. Act out of just integrity, people won’t understand what they are dealing with. To make the right choices when they are wrong enough to only present the wrong ones. To be able to leave your pride aside and just ask each other what happened, instead of just acting. I choose to become Whiter than White. I might be joined, or might not. But it won’t make a difference in my decision. 

Silence to make the sound worthy

The best sound I have ever heard in my life was silence. You can wake me in the middle of the night, and I won’t mind, to listen to the silence right before a storm. When I hear nature calming down, preparing for what will come, that’s what makes me calm. I can feel the blood in my veins stop rushing, my heartbeat slows down and my head becomes empty till all worries have disappeared into the earth. I know it sounds strange, but you are my silence. You make my world stop rushing around me and you can make me calm on every certain moment you want me to be. I can lay down in the grass, or on stones for that matter, studying the pace of your heartbeat, and feel every care I ever had dissolve into pure nothingness. I can hear you talking, and suddenly everything makes sense again. I don’t even necessarily have to agree with you, and even that is fine with you, but it just makes sense.  I can listen to music with you and feel every tremble trough my body. And when we are just chilling on the couch, I can’t imagine a place where I feel safer. Please wake up, you are not the bad things they or you say you are. I don’t understand why you let them stop you from moving. You should be the one that knows you best and be able to put on foot right in front of the other. So, proposition:  I am going to be marching on. I would like to do it with you on my side. I’ll take care of the rest, those are my problems to fix. That way we can enjoy the journey. I have been told  that the journey makes it all worth something, not the goals. But perhaps that is something to think about for the next blog.

To be or not to be:

Happy. I’ve been living on my own for a month now. And the questions are rising. First there was are you eating enough vegetables. Then came do you go to bed on time. After that there was a period of aren’t you feeling lonely. And then came the bad ones like, don’t you get tired of yourself? Or even better: how do you live with yourself? GUYS!! Did it ever occur to you that this is a ridiculous question?  Cause for me it’s so easy to live with me.  I wake up, go to class, eat my vegetables and go to bed every evening when I am tired enough. I have a cola light party with myself every evening and when there is no cola light I imagine that water tastes like cola light, which actually is true. You see, everybody has a manual, a how to treat myself book. I am one of those lucky persons who found the one that describes how to treat me.  Which is very useful since I am with myself all the time.  I have learnt to not let myself be hurt by you without my permission. So whatever you say, your argument will be invalid anyways.  Which changes the question from me to you, not in what do you want from me, but what do you want from you? Besides a good book of course :) 

Some people... Enlighten my day

April isn’t cool. April is usually pretty messed up for me. Every year I am trying to avoid April. Cause after all these years I know what April can do. Call me superstitious or anything close to that. Black cats bringing bad luck or Friday 13^th  is nonsense, but April… April brings a challenge for me every year. 
Most times in shapes of people. I have different kinds of people in my life, all having a different place in it. One in the past, or one in the future. Or in both. Well of those I have only a couple actually. 


They’ve all taught me different things. Each and every one of them. They taught me how to take care of myself, and how to appreciate myself. They taught me to say yes and no. They taught me patience and how to act fast. They taught me how to be strong and hold on. And I am grateful for that. But even more grateful that these people are gone. 


Out of my life.

The people who stay behind enlighten my life every day with a different light. They make me survive April ones more. Please do note that this is an even bigger accomplishment.

To these people: I miss you. I love you. Most of all, I hope I gave you some sunshine, just as you did.

Sweeet!

I was called ‘almost human’ in the first class of Anton on Interactive Visualization.  How do you like that? Simply because from time to time I feel the urge to blog something about nothing in specific. Just to be clear:

Human:

Humans, known taxonomically as Homo sapiens (Latin for "wise man" or "knowing man"), are the only living species in the Homo genus of bipedal primates in Hominidae, the great ape family. Anatomically modern humans originated in Africa about 200,000 years ago, reaching full behavioral modernity around 50,000 years ago.

War is a state of widespread conflict between states or other large groups of humans, which is characterized by the use of lethal violence between combatants and/or upon civilians. (Humans also engage in lesser conflicts, such as brawls, riots, revolts, and melees. A revolution may or may not involve warfare.) It is estimated that during the 20th century between 167 and 188 million humans died as a result of war.  A common perception of war is a series of military campaigns between at least two opposing sides involving a dispute over sovereignty, territory, resources, religion, or other issues. A war between internal elements of a state is a civil war.

Humans are generally diurnal. The average sleep requirement is between seven and nine continuous hours a day for an adult and nine to ten hours for a child; elderly people usually sleep for six to seven hours. Experiencing less sleep than this is common in modern societies; this sleep deprivation can have negative effects. A sustained restriction of adult sleep to four hours per day has been shown to correlate with changes in physiology and mental state, including fatigue, aggression, and bodily discomfort.

So that’s what I am.. Almost. Proud of it to. It might not be a very high title, but some people can’t make it to this title. Besides that, the word almost gives room for challenges and opportunities. Room to explore some more.

Everybody knows this guy. -Now this is my little revenge piece of this blog J- The guy that I am going to tell you about. He’s known for his wrong sentences at totally wrong moments, his flirty behavior to everything with long legs and his irritating tagging behavior on Facebook. He’s the guy that tags about everyone on their worst pictures and then reply’s so often to your reactions that almost the whole freeking wide world sees this picture… twice. We call him Douwe. And I know I can’t tag people in fotos on blogspot. Nevertheless, I can point in a certain direction, right?  

At least some of us are close to human J

Now after this small, little, tiny revenge, I would have to add that he can be very nice when he tries… He would have to work for it, but still. Ooh, and Anton, you’ll get your price Monday. You might have won this bet, there will be more.

A heart will never be practical...

In life there are certain moments that you will probably remember at the end of it. The day you heard you graduated from high school. The day you bought your first fridge. The day you said I do to the person you love more than anything else in the world. The day you got your lovely children.

I am at the stage of buying a fridge. It’s really cool. I actually bought it last Saturday. It was about 14 degrees outside. That’s warm in Holland, believe me. He’s so perfect, my fridge. He cools some food, if I’d switch it on, and he’s white!! A real white fridge which I can call my own J

Besides this terrefightinly beautiful fridge I also got myself a Magic Mushroom. It’s a mushroom like every other mushroom until you switch it on. Then it becomes a vacuum cleaner, vacuuming all your crumbles fast and easy. We call him Tha Mushroom

Next to Tha Mushroom I got carpet! Very soft fluffy carpet. Thanks to my mom, Herjan, Raoul and Walter its cut very nice. My dad and I aren’t that good with carpet so we cleaned -again- and put some beds in the right positions.

Of course you will  get some pictures. I just forgot to make them yesterday evening. Sorry, but I was just too tired. I’ve been smoothing, painting, waiting for everybody and cleaning at the same time for almost two weeks straight now. My hands don’t only smell like chemical thingies and some Nivea, they are so soft right now you could smooth a whole door with it. No paper needed. Very practical.  

It's a secret

I am a big fan of the program lie to me. I think it is a beautiful program showing how people speak without speaking. I always thought I knew how to read people. Not as good as they do in the program of course. But at least knowing from their posture how people were feeling. I thought I knew. Until today. 

For the first time in my life I saw someone scared. Perhaps scared is the wrong word. Unsure, terrified, somewhat in pain, not like this person normally is. Eyebrows pulled together, pupils smaller then the moment before, and muscles in the cheeks all showing some sort of pain or worry.  And it’s ok. Changes are tough. But I have to tell you a secret that I never told you before: You are going to wake up in the morning and then today is yesterday. That’s a very cool thing and even better: a thing that I am absolutely sure about. Yes, tomorrow it will hurt as well. And you will be perhaps even a little nervous. And then the day after that tomorrow will be yesterday as well. In, about, two weeks there will be a day that you wake up, and everything will be different. The moves some people tended to make, the discussions, the problems and the solutions. All will be gone by then. You might even have forgotten some of their faces, or even names. And then the hurting part is over. It might not feel like it now but in two weeks everything will be so yesterday. Just don’t tell this secret to everybody, would you?