Just a dream

All traps are set. There is no way back, just forward left or right. We are not afraid although we know there is much to fear. We were moving Mountains long before we knew we could. So many things we could have done. We would have done. If this was not here at this moment in this place. But it is, and we deal with it. Is that all right with you? I can’t help it, neither can you. We had a fairytale. And we still do, but it’s time for choices. Left, right, left, right, left. I am on the other side, waiting for you. Like I usually do. Missing you, but I am there. And I am there for you. So what are you waiting for? I have warned you about this. But you said you were just busy. Time would catch up. It always does. Like water flows it’s natural way and trees are made out of wood, time catches up with everybody. Before you know it, it is gone. Just like I could have been. But I am not. I am here. And now, we wait. 

The PERFECT mathematical explanation for....

So I promised my mom to write a blog for/about her. So here it is. It  is going to be about a formula that I recently discovered. My brother studies Physics and Mathematics. Which is really cool of course. But he speaks in formulas all the time. So in order to understand him I need to speak a little bit  Formula as well. This is why it was so easy to  make a formula for the problem that I found today. It’s the following genius and well proofed formula:

SQ = SA

Which basically stands for:

SR = SA

In which the S stands for a certain amount of Stupidity, the Q for a Question, the R for a Remark and guess what?? The A for an Answer. S depending on the person and Q,R and A depending on the circumstances.  I proofed this genius formula by a number of researches. For instance: if you would ask people about the weather they would reply about the weather. In this situation S would be a number of let’s say 50. If you would ask any person about the meaning of life you could get a very useful answer back. In this case S would be 1. (I would have to warn you, this all depends on the person you are talking to and the circumstances) If you would ask a person why banana’s aren’t standing up right instead of curved, you possibly get a pretty messed up answer. Let’s say this represents a 100 S. Okaj, so now you have an idea of how it works. Let this be a warning to you all. If I answer a very not significant answer to your question, it could just be that the question was all wrong. So: Please do never ask where the chocolate is (lepracons… need I say more?). Don’t try to ask me why I fall over my own feet all the time (It’s the freeking floor that’s trying to get me down, I am telling you men). And please, PLEASE. Do not ever ask me how I became so young (totally my parents fault, I had nothing to do with it). Right mom?

My green eyes aren't greenish

They say that the iris is the place where you can see on the outside of someone, who he is. Everything you can see in the heart of the eyes. You can see whether or not a person is reliable, how he/she reacts in certain situations and how you should react on them. Wouldn’t that be nice. To know a person in the blink of an eye, literally.  Devastating, and so not true. Cause then I would understand myself much better as well, just by looking at myself. I can tell you, looking at myself actually makes it worse. I tend to avoid my eyes, and those of others for that matter. Cause I am afraid. What if it’s true? What if you could see in the blink of an eye how a person is? Life would get so much easier, so much more convenient. Everybody would have their true love for ever and ever. All fairytales would come true. Everybody would have friends for life and nobody would ever get hurt because all criminals would be locked up behind bars. Blue butterflies flying around rainbows singing birds everywhere and kids playing around… You get the picture. Well, the birds and butterflies are all sleeping for the winter, the rainbow will be a snowbow from now on and kids playing??  If they’re smart they will play indoors right now. No, the real answer lies somewhere else. It’s not in the heart of the eyes, it’s in the heart of the heart. The eyes might say where you are looking at but when the heart speaks like a piano plays, it can’t be somebody else then you. 

Either you win or you lose

You know how I hate to fight. It always ends with: “Cause that’s how girls die’’ in my head. I fight a lot lately. Strange cause I would never think of myself as a violent person. I fight with my parents my brothers my colleges, people who do deserve a fight and people who don’t.  I fight with stuff that isn’t working the way it’s supposed to work and with teachers (only former teachers of course), I fight against sleep and against numbness. Cause I don’t feel that much when I am numb and I am in desperate need to feel at least something. Most of all I fight with myself. It is not cool to fight with yourself. Can you imagine who will win? It’s either the part that wants to not feel anything anymore and embrace the numbness, or the part that wants to live life like my life wants to be lived before I die. One says 'You in for sitting behind your laptop all day with a big cup of tea?' while the other one is saying 'Let's do something. Let's go out and dance in the rain or something like that'. One says ‘Hey, lets do some homework and get straight A’s’ while the other one says ‘You can also get a B and go to town now and walk a bit’.  One says 'I am so tired' and the other one screams 'Being tired is for complete wecko’s. Of course are you tired. When was the last true vacation you can remember, honey? Where is your drive to be a somebody? Like you used to want'… Like I used to want. Tomorrow, when I wake up there are two scenarios that could have happened

•        I have embraced the numbness and have become the person that everybody wants me to be.
•        I have become an actor, acting a version of an embraced- numbness- me.

Either way, I will win and lose. 

Portfolio

I can proudly present to you: My portfolio. Not finished jet. But then again a portfolio never is. I will upgrade it this week some more and hope you will like the improvements I will make.

What I talk about when I talk about:

Communication is not easy. It´s so hard that we don´t even try any more with most people. It´s just about birds in the sky, how the sun is standing in the sky today, how sweet bunny´s are when they are walking through the fields, and stuff I don’t want to talk about when I talk about talking. I want to talk about the philosophical things in life, about trees being so beautiful in autumn, about why we are here. I am in desperate need of talking about not only Live Life and Love but also beyond that. I believe that everybody has a story. Something that made you the person you are now. I see everything around me changing and sometimes don’t understand why. Most off all I see myself changing. I don’t understand that either. Cause all I want to do is talk. And whenever talking becomes speaking, you are going to lose me from now on. So… What´s your story/talk about?

Yesterday is gone

Since I have started this study, most people ask me to ‘invent’ something. Most women want a robot that cleans the house. My mom has been asking for that, for about 17 years now. The leaves are falling from the trees. Now that it’s autumn again,  people want a weather machine against the cold. My musical friends want a new instrument, and my sailing friends would really like a faster boat. I need to invent a disposable chair, a screen you can bring everywhere so you can always see pink elephants dancing around (don’t even ask from who I got that), a thing that would stop people from forgetting their appointments (do you people ever look in your diary?) and fast…. if you please. I haven’t even started about how many people asked me about travelling through time. But apparently it’s a topic that lots of people think about a lot. They have a clear time in mind they want to go to in the past or they just want to go to ‘what used to be’. Or even worse: people want to be away from now but also from the past which leaves just the future… I have to tell something to those of you who are thinking these things:

Yesterday is past, tomorrow jet to come. Today is a gift that’s why it’s called the present.

A new world

There are many stories about his life. Even his son didn’t know for sure who Cristopher Columbus was. He could have been Italian, or Spanish. It’s possible that he had a high status in society, or not. He could have been a pirate like Jack Sparrow, or he was really civilized. Endless possibilities about the life of just one man. Why all these questions? Well, I can tell you they celebrate the day today in America. Today it’s the twelfth of October. It is a special day today. Besides that the twelfth of October won’t be on a Tuesday any time soon and certainly not with this weather this is the day that Columbus found America. Columbus is someone I see as one of the first CreaTers. He might not have created something, but he was brave enough to start to discover. I think we all need our first Columbus-moment. The first journey to the unknown. The first answers to ourselves and then the first quest and the first thing we can discover all by our self. The only answers we have are: he was born someday, he has found America and then someday after that he died. But I bet he knows the rest of the story.

The End?

What happened here? We don’t have any We create identity courses any more. That’s kind of strange. We’re getting along with our interactive movie. That’s going to be quite nice. And I almost think we have an identity now as a group. We made one ourselves. That feels like an accomplishment. And for myself… I know a new part of my identity now. One that I wasn’t familiar with. I found that it calms me when I write my thoughts about something down. I am not a person who just gives her thoughts to everybody. Especially when you don’t ask for it. This makes it harder for me to explain what I am thinking.  Simply because there is so much to tell. But for myself it’s really nice to have these things written down. I understand myself better and I can read it again and say hey I missed a point right there, or that was really stupid to think of me. And my family likes my blog as well. I was surprised by this. They don’t really mind reading my blog, right??  So I am so sorry, but I am not going to stop blogging. In fact I already know what my next blog is going to be about :D Perhaps on Friday. After assignment 13.  To be continued. 

Ps Have a look at the logo’s guys. They’re really nice. You’re a CreaTer or you’re not. And these are ;-)  https://sites.google.com/site/create10ca1site/organisation-exhibit

You gotta love Technology!

So a new blog more in the direction of technology. I think technology is important in this society. First of all cause EVERY single thing is made by, powered by, or still running because of technology. I can’t think of anything anymore that is not somehow connected to technology. There for technology must be important.. Right? Technology is important for me because besides the fact that I use it like every other consumer, I love to find out how things work. The thing is: I am curious. And wherever  people don’t really like at least a thousand questions about live life and love, technology doesn’t really mind. It answers all questions you can think of:

Why is the sky blue? A clear cloudless day-time sky is blue because molecules in the air scatter blue light from the sun more than they scatter red light.  When we look towards the sun at sunset, we see red and orange colors because the blue light has been scattered out and away from the line of sight.

What’s the answer to the ultimate question? 42

What’s the ultimate question? Go find out yourself

Technology is like written in stone. It’s there and it can be changed but how ever you would want to change it, it always comes down to the same thing: Technology listens to you if you listen to technology, and technology answers every question as long you ask the questions.  You gotta love Technology!

Multitasking, crying and coffee

Today I decided to start early. Oke confess, I didn't really decided, just happened. But this means I have some more time than I expected. I just did my first sessions of sketching and crying for graphic design. It was mostly crying though. We have to make a postcard about CreaTe and the advice of the teacher was to sketch cry and doubt. I am sure the doubting will come just 5 minutes before I have to present it. Because right now I am just in a sketching/crying stage. Which is ok. I just don’t really like the crying part. I guess it’s just part of the deal. And right now I am mentally preparing for another class of Introduction to computer science, while writing a blog, and listening to bad music. Gotta keep practicing some multitasking skills, right? Some people might think that multitasking is a word invented for our parents so they won’t have a clue what we’re talking about but it’s actually quite easy. And yes listening is hard to combine with something else but if you don’t do communicating stuff multitasking is a piece of cake. Just got to practice. I think we’re going to have a really nice lecture today cause I have no idea what it is about. That makes it easier to stay focused if you don’t have a clue what the teacher is going to talk about. But perhaps some more coffee would help as well.

Peppernoten

Today we introduced peppernoten to some of our foreign fellow students. For those of you who don’t understand, peppernoten is an English word that didn’t exist until 5 seconds ago. It’s a dutch thing we would say but don’t worry I’ll explain. Sinterklaas is something like Santa Claus only Sinterklaas was there first. He lives now for a more than a hundred years in Spain with Black Piet, cause he's having trouble with his rheumatism. Actually my aunt lived for a while next to him but he always seemed to be on holiday when we were there. More importantly he celebrates his B-day (on the 5^th of December) by giving presents to ALL the children in the country.  Of course this is a time of candy and sweets for the good children and it’s not so nice for the other children. I can’t remember the last time a child has been punished around this festival but it happened in the old days I guess. For the older more adult children and adults to it’s nice because we send each other poems to discuss the year and of course eat sweets. And peppernoten are the sweets that belong to this festival. Most foreign people think it’s dog food. But my foreign friends actually liked it. The point of this blog?? Differences are there until you ask and there for make them disappear. So make them disappear. It's not so hard.

Connecting or disconnecting?

The hours in the cafeteria are quite productive. If you would look at us from a distant you would think that we were doing absolutely nothing. Which in fact isn’t the case today. You would think it wouldn’t be possible but the main thing we did in the break today was eating. As it is supposed to be you would think but I think it is strange. Because I don’t know what the rest of my fellow students did in the break. Within 5 minutes we had a big group of CreaTers sitting here. And it only took another 5 minutes to have on almost every single one of their laps a laptop warming their legs. Now this is possible. We did some bug stuff this morning in introduction to computer science but still. Why is everyone so eager to escape from this place. Doesn’t that sound strange to you to? We need just this much of spear time and immediately we are just gone. And because we can’t run that fast to be in time back here we just pull out our laptop or our mobile phone to connect with the outside world and, of course, disconnect with reality. 

We influence each other with the powerful weapon: Ourselves

It’s strange now isn’t it. We wake up, take breakfast, do our things during the day and go to sleep again. It sounds so easy yet it is not. People influence other people and in one of my other blogs I used the metaphor running for this social behavior. I was thinking about this the other day. Just a day, and I had nothing else to do. I was working so that’s not much fun at all. But one of the things about working my job and then in particular with me is: I can put myself on an automatic pilot. I do everything automatically and I can do my own stuff in my head. So I was thinking about what to do that evening and all of a sudden it was like in a movie. Everything slowed down (or my brain was just speeding up) and I saw things that I normally didn’t see. I noticed how an older lady was speeding up her pace because she saw her husband standing outside. He was there all the time and she knew this but she needed to see him before she speeded. I noticed a men in a suit (on Saturday?) talking to his phone. Why would he do something like that on Saturday? Didn’t he want to take a rest or something? I noticed that he was making this small movement with the corner of his eye. It was a very subtle but it seemed a movement of disgust to me. This was strange. What could be so terrible to make a face change, even for a second, into this mode that looks like this man thinks something is disgusting. There must have been an influence on the other side of the phone. Or perhaps it was just his phone itself. I noticed this woman talking to a man behind her in line without saying anything. What’s that kind of social behavior about? Why are people communicating with each other without saying anything useful? Why can’t they just talk about how they feel instead of talking about some clouds in the sky? The man was totally bored and the women wasn’t doing herself a favor either. She was now influencing not only him but also herself in a bad way. I noticed my college looking at the movements I made and I noticed that I was wondering if he saw the same things. He did. I guess influencing someone else is easier then I expected. 

My thoughts are starting here

Okeej guys, its official. I am starting a Blog!! Whajo. I am supposed to write about my thoughts but the thing is, I don’t really know which thoughts in my head are mine and which are from somebody else. That’s a problem. What are we going to do about that? I tell you the answer to that question. Absolutely nothing. If the thoughts of others are in my head they are automatically thought about by me myself and I so why worry about something stupid like that. So here are my thoughts of today and a little bit of yesterday to if you don’t mind. 'I am so freeking tired.' That’s a very interesting thought that keeps coming back actually. You see, I had a full half an hour of holidays. That’s not to much. I feel so tired all the time. I feel I could just sleep for a couple of weeks straight. But it was worth it. I heard my final grades yesterday. And I passed. That’s the main thing. I just want to study and here I am. Tired but enjoying classes so much. I can’t even explain how much I am loving my classes. I could do this for the rest of my life I guess. And I had only one day of class. Strange but I really don’t mind this. I mean, I miss my life. I miss my friends in Apeldoorn from time to time. I miss some friends a lot. But they will still be there when I go home tonight and since I am tired already with no prospects on sleeping good for a long time, I might as well make the most of my time. We can sleep when we die, right honey?